Three Under the Age of Five

For those of you without kids and for those of you beyond these days, enjoy.

This is our life:

“stop it…put that down…don’t do that…what’s in your mouth…where did you get that?!…what are you doing!?…stop running with that…wipe your own butt!….are you poopy or did you just tootoot?…get down…sit down…turn around…move…be quiet… please just…obey me now…really?!?!…oh my gosh!…tell me…put that away…let it go… give it to me… NO…. NOW!… one! two!…. I said yes… don’t ask me again… get back in bed… what now!?…shut that door…yes I will put cream on it in a second!… get out of that…spit that out, don’t eat that…eat another bite….where did you get that gum?… why are you crying…you don’t need a bandaid…you don’t need medicine… stop whining… can you whine a little more please…Quinn get your hand out of your pants!…stop fighting…we don’t talk about our butts/poop/boobies or bobo…don’t hit…say excuse me…can you whine a litle more?…apologize now…what do you say?… get in time out now…lay down!… stop singing Christmas songs… there’s no need to yell… you already asked me that… where did he/she go?…where is he/she?…put down my phone…no, more Dora/Mickey/Handy Manny/etc..in a minute…where did you learn that?!”

(to ourselves and between us) “no more kids…kill me now…why did we want kids again?…it’s gonna cost HOW MUCH?!…yes one day we will get to go on a trip alone again….you’re lucky so-and-so is still alive…shoot me now…where’s the wine?…go get more wine…we are out of wine…call your parents…who’s crying?…when did he/she start doing that!?!?!”

End of the day:

“The kids are so funny!” I say smiling.

“Yes, they are….” Julie replies.

“What do you think about four?” I ask.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

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